Spring

It is Spring again, birds are singing and building nests, trees and plants are blossoming, bees are buzzing, and I am constantly aroused.  I want sex, raw sex.  I am horny as hell, I have these images in my mind, of passionate lovemaking and I am going crazy, craving sex.  I feel like a horny bitch or a predator, a couguar.

Yet, I am behaving or almost.  Five weeks without sex.  Yet since my return we have not had that much sex or if we had, it was...  so so.  Poor hubby! I feel so unfair to him. He has offered  me an 8" dildoe.  I have always dreamt of a big dick, but this one almost hurt. I guess I have to get used to it.  So why are we back to before Christmas?  I cannot explain.  I guess we are not on the same wavelength anymore, more blatantly than ever.  We had expectations, but different ones it seems.  Both feeling disappointed by one another.  Is this the sign that we definitely need to take action and reach a decision? 

There's only so many times you can allow someone to let you down before you can’t handle the disappointment anymore. When things change, people change. There’s a point in life where you get tired of chasing everyone trying to fix things, but it’s not giving up, you’ve got to do what’s right for you, even if it hurts.

It is certainly time for me to reach such a decision; and I already have done something in that direction.  I have "misbehaved", I had my first camsex and it was amazing!  Is that cheating?  It probably is, but I did not feel like it.  He made me feel beautiful and wonderful.  He was totally in control and I loved it.  I have read somewhere that strong women need to feel dominated sometimes. They need to let go and let someone else be in control.  It is not that I call myself a strong women, but I am the one in charge, so what a wonderful feeling it was just to let someone tell me what to do, in a very gentle but firm way.  And I want more.

My social life and my self-esteem are next to zero, yet on two occasions, I went to a restaurant, and both times, men came to me and told me how terrific I looked. I felt like a queen and am grateful.  So, now I want to feel on top of the world.  And I want more.

Hubby had found a job (the first in 4 years), unfortunately, after three months, he was jobless again, due to a decision further up in the hierarchy, nothing to do with his performance.  So, we are in a dead-end street again, no projects, no alternative other than networking and hoping he gets another opportunity. We had both decided to wait until he had put some money aside for him to be able to move out, and eventually filing for a divorce.  Now we are both bitter, he feels like a total looser, and I end up thinking he is one.  What is the solution?  Will he end up in depression or will he try by all means to find any job?  Is he a strong person or a complete looser?  Am I selfish if I don't care anymore, and decide to fend for myself and try to be happy and start a new life for what is left of it?  I want more!  I want to get my sexy back. I wish to get loved properly again. I wish to be able to share my passions with someone who cares.  I wish to go lighthearted ahead and achieve things that I always wanted to achieve.  I just want to live.  And this is what I'm going to do even if it means I shall be naughty.

I know I sound very upset and unfair to hubby, but I can't see the end of the tunnel, yet I have a choice, but the children workship their father so much, I am the bad guy in this story or so it seems to me.  What do you think?  Should I go ahead and take whatever comes my way and just cut loose?  Or should I give hubby another chance and see if he manages to find himself a job (I have been waiting for 4 years now).  We spoke about divorce last August, which was almost a year ago.  I have been extremely patient since, but now I am on the verge of breaking down. 

My best friend called me this morning.  She just broke up with her boyfriend, after a 10 year relationship. Within two weeks, he met someone else on a dating website.  She feels great.  She proposed me to go out and have fun, take dance lessons and spend some nice time together.  Actually, this is exactly what I need.  So, this is what I'm going to do in the coming weeks.  Hubby will not like it, but better have a wifey who has fun and is in good spirits than a nasty, bitter, frustrated bitch at home.  Let's see what happens...

.

(click)

Blackbird singing in the dead of night

Take these broken wings and learn to fly

All your life

You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Blackbird singing in the dead of night

Take these sunken eyes and learn to see

All your life

You were only waiting for this moment to be free

Blackbird fly, blackbird fly

Into the light of the dark black night

Blackbird fly, blackbird fly

Into the light of the dark black night

Blackbird singing in the dead of night

Take these broken wings and learn to fly

All your life

You were only waiting for this moment to arise

You were only waiting for this moment to arise

You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Fly Me To The Moon

Hello Darling,


How was your week-end in your faraway country?  On Saturday, we had great weather. No pressure, prepared a cake listening to music, belly danced when my son told me "mum, you look perfectly ridiculous, are you having a mid-life criris or what?" "No, darling, I'm just happy and don't give a damn about what you are thinking!" Poor thing, he just doesn't remember me in my happy days, the real me, a very long time ago!


Today again, a perfect day and woke up with this old Frank Sinatra song in my head, don't know where it came from.


Fly me to the moon
Let me sing among those stars
Let me see what spring is like
On jupiter and mars


In other words, hold my hand
In other words, baby kiss me


Fill my heart with song
Let me sing for ever more
You are all I long for
All I worship and adore


In other words, please be true
In other words, I love you


What would they say if I took some belly dance, or lap dance, or even pole dance lessons? I would just love to see their faces! Ha ! they would think I've gone crazy!


And then I think of us, of a perfect day together, next to the ocean, in a Zanzibar-style thatched-roof house, in a huge bed with a mosquito net around it. The breeze flies in through the terrace window. Some nice music playing, not too loud, and we lie on the bed. I massage you with some exotic scented oil, first your legs, your feet and your calfs, then your chunky black buttocks and your back, all along your spine and your shoulders, your neck, your arms. Doesn't that feel wonderful? Then you turn around and I splash some oil on my breasts and my stomach, and gently rub your magnificent dark skin with my body, MMMMMhhhhhhh! Nice, can you feel it?


You moan and kiss me with you gentle lips and caress my breasts, sweet tender kiss, becoming more and more passionate, I feel you becoming hard. I gently put my lips around the tip of you dick and lick it around and around, then go down along the shaft and take it all in my mouth, deepthroating you until you moan. How does it feel? I come back to your lips and suck your tongue, I inhale your breath and lock my eyes into yours. You caress my thighs and insert your fingers inside me, I am so tight, yet so wet and I cannot resist moving my hips up and down becoming completely breathless. I want to lick you all over, this is so good, I come down on you, slowly insert the tip of your cock inside me, and move my hips like a belly dancer, round and round, just a few inches, almost out again, and slowly inside again, start to moan very loudly and suddenly take you all inside of me. You whisper how good it feels, and I start again. I move up an down, our hands entangled, lick your neck, your ear, can feel goose bumps, your chest, suck your breasts, your lips, My lips feel all swollen, electrified. You roll me over, spread my legs apart and lick me, I lean towards you and take your cock into my mouth while caressing your balls. You then take me side-wise, my thigh on your hip, insert your rock hard dick into my slippery slit and caress my breasts as I pinch your nipples, moving my hips so that you feel my inside at different angles and every inch of it, I squeeze you more with each thrust, it drives you wild, I start to cry and pant. This makes you groan and grind even harder! We cum together, can you feel my inside pulsating? Can you be as loud as me? I look at you all the time because this is bliss. And then you take me in your arms, kiss my neck and we slip into unconsciousness, our bodies entangled, feeling so relaxed and good together. Oh this is so wonderful. I wish this could be true, HHHHMMMMM!!!!! What does it do to you?
And now fly me to the moon, tatata la la la la la le la la!

I love you beautiful darling! And I don't care if I'm crazy!

War Remnant Museum - Ho Chi Minh City, former Saigon (Click)

I'm not going to go into details about this distressing compendium of the horrors of war.  It is very biaised and the Americans are blamed for their cruelty. But it is a one-sided exhibition, because Viet Congs - the northern Vietnamese who defeated the Americans - committed a lot of cruelty towards the southern Vietnamese and their enemies as well .  But this is propaganda.

The War Remnants Museum was opened to the public on September 4, 1975 – less than 5 months after the fall of South Vietnam… The museum was formerly known as the “Museum of American War Crimes”, but with the normalization of relations with the United States, the name was changed to its current name in 1993. The museum is a major tourist attraction and has more than 400000 visitors per year.

The museum contains exhibitions related to the American phase of the Vietnam War. The exhibitions are housed in several buildings and the themes are: “Historical Truths”, “Requiem” - (a photo collection taken by war reporters killed during the Vietnam War), “Vestiges of War Crimes”, “Imprisonment System” - (including a model of the Tiger Cages), “Vietnam – War and Peace” - (a photo collection), “International Support”, “War and Peace” - (a collection of children's paintings) and in the museum yard you’ll find an exhibition of weapon used in the Vietnam War (tanks, planes, missiles, helicopters and more).

It is not a museum for everyone – gruesome photos of the My Lai massacre and of victims of napalm bombs and Agent Orange…
 
 

The "Requiem" photo exhibition was really very interesting and moving.  Some 135 photographers - Americans, French, Japane, Australians among others - were killed.

http://www.eastmanhouse.org/inc/exhibitions/traveling-requiem.php

Happily back

Yes, I'm back home after 5 days grounded in Bangkok because of the volcanic eruption.


The first two days, our airline told us not to come to the airport, since all flights to Europe had been cancelled. We were told to regularly check our airline's website. They offered us one night in a 5* hotel. On the third day, regular flights had resumed. A wake-up call at 6 a.m. and we - about 1000 people - went to the airport as early as 8 a.m. to start queuing to get on a waiting list for the first flight to leave at noon. However, priority was given to regular passengers, then to first class, business class, Gold and Silver card holders and eventually, about half a dozen were randomly called to board the plane. There was no logic as to whom would board the plane. The procedure was repeated three times until past midnight, when we all went back to the hotel - for those who could still afford a hotel, a lot of people slept at the airport on the floor. After this first day of hope, a lot of people got angry because of lack of information.

The next day, the whole procedure was repeated. A significant number of people managed to leave on various flights that day. Around midnight, we were told that on Wednesdays, the airline did not fly to/from Bangkok, but that they would exceptionally send an empty aircraft to come and get those stranded people who had not managed to find a seat on a regular flight. So, this is how I managed to come back home.

In the meantime, the Red Shirts have demonstrated and people were killed. Travellers are advised not to come to Thailand for the time being.

I did not have time to blog nor to read much, so what a surprise when I checked my blog and discovered I had 25 followers! Wow! I'm feeling proud that people are actually interested in what I write. A big welcome to you and thank you for having left comments. There is more to come about my travels, with pictures I took, I hope you will continue enjoying my posts.

A special mention to those who chatted with me while I was feeling lonely, thank you so much for your warm words and your concern.

Consequences of a Volcanic Eruption

Back in Bangkok, where I’m stuck for I don’t know how long. I cannot complain, the airlines hosted us in a 5* hotel for the night, I’m kind of getting blasé, can you believe it? Apart from not getting used to be “perched” on the 21st floor, overlooking the city and feeling dizzy lol! I am nevertheless anxious to know when we’ll be able to fly as the airline will not pay for an additional day.

Money is getting short, so instead of going for a 5* treat last night, I went to the fish market next door, where a group of Japanese stewardesses were already having dinner. Japanese beauties, very elegant and graceful, and in control. I was the only European. My waitress was a transvestite, also a beauty, very dignified and serene. Funny! I always pictured fishermen and men handling big fish as very masculine, but I had to revise my judgment, there were a bunch of cuties with oxygenated hair - resulting in brownish/yellowish hair - handling these fish with style. This made me realise that there are quite a number of gay people in Thailand, which seems to be a rather liberal country in this regard.

Some of the male cooks/waiters came around to have a look at the Japanese beauties, and were seemingly appreciative. My attention focused on the waitress, she was tall and slender, moved gracefully, her miniskirt revealed very nice legs, she had a lovely enigmatic smile, she seemed happy. I am not sure customers realised who she was. The other waitresses, shorter, plumper, and less elegant shared a joke here and there when bumping into her, even the cooks/waiters took a few minutes to come over and exchange a few words, there seemed to be a lot of friendliness.

When she presented the bill, her voice was unmistakably that of a man, I paid, a huge smile on my face, she graced me with a lot of kindness in her eyes and the smile of the Buddha on her lips. Savatika!

Angkor Women