During that time alone, I allowed myself some reflection and I came to the conclusion that I was doing the best thing for everyone, including my husband. Yet, when I came home to discover the house had undergone a post-nuclear war treatment and that he had moved to the basement, I could not prevent tears from welling up. Over 20 years of common life, sharing the same bed, waking up in each other's arms or at least cuddling or just being there. The very bed where all three children have been conceived. Now it is over, like something is missing... This is what I wanted, this is what I was thriving for, what I have inflicted on my husband, it is brutal even if I was longing for it. I can see the pain in his eyes, he feels so helpless...
I believe that what we get out of life is what we’ve set ourselves up to get, so there’s no such thing as an inconsequential decision. Our destinies are the culmination of all the choices we’ve made along the way, which is why it’s imperative to listen hard to your inner voice when it speaks up. Don’t let anyone else’s noise drown it out.– Megan McCafferty
Don’t let the mistakes and disappointments of the past control and direct your future. – Zig Ziglar
About all you can do in life is be who you are. Some people will love you for you. Most will love you for what you can do for them, and some won’t like you at all. – Rita Mae Brown
You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.– C.S. Lewis
Men enjoy being thought of as hunters, but are generally too lazy to hunt. Women, on the other hand, love to hunt, but would rather nobody knew it– ~ Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic’s Notebook, 1966
Freedom (n.): To ask nothing. To expect nothing. To depend on nothing. -Ayn Rand
Maybe it is time for me to go on a dating site?
13 comments:
This is such a beautiful post, even if it does tap into your pain. Or, perhaps because of it.
Onwards and upwards, lovely lady. The new, while frightening, is also full of such wonderful possibilities.
I wish you luck and many sexy adventures! ;)
My thoughts and best wishes are wish you, Frenchy. In reading your post I can get a sense of not only what you must be feeling, but also what your husband must be going through. For a man I think the greatest anguish comes for knowing that while he has the greatest power to influence a woman's heart, he is simultaneously powerless to control it.
A huge step, Frenchy - glad to hear the path (with your kids) was not as rocky as you might have expected. So take that next step now, and then the next after that, and the next. As an experienced traveler, you'll certainly handle the journey well. May your destination be all you hope for!
So your husband has become one of the "basement boys" who are separated but not seperate. I wish you luck. I don't advise dating again right away. For your own mental health, you must have him out of your life and house.
I relate on so many levels with your post. For the past 6 months I have been going through a myriad of emotions..some good and some not so good. My husband (separated) has tried to manipulate me into making decisions that I was not wanting to make (staying together for the sake of the children). Until enough was enough and I decided to move forward with my life. It was the hardest decision I had made but also the one that has allowed me to finally breath.
As for going on a dating site. Well I'm on one and it has actually helped me realize that I will be okay. I'm not looking for a serious relationship anytime soon and I guess that is the beauty of meeting a man in this way. You can be up front and let them know that casual dating is the only thing you are wanting right now.
I wish you all the best and if you ever need to chat please let me know. :)
It is hard to inflict pain on someone you have cared about. Even if he wanted the divorce as much as you, it would still be painful for both of you, it is the nature of the beast. Knowing what you are doing is right, well that is not the same thing as being easy.
We all have to find our own way to adapt, to convince ourselves that we can get through this. It sounds like moving to the basement is your husbands way of trying to get used to it.
I feel your pain and your relief/release all at once. It's scary but now you've got the freedom to be you. Love your life, enjoy being you.
-H
I'm glad things went better than anticipated! You might want to hold off on the dating though until things are more resolved and settled. Good luck though!
It's tough to go back and remember those emotions but, a year on, I know I did the right thing... and you will too.
There will always be things that remind you of what was and what could have been but if it's not working, it's not working.
As to dating, I'd suggest waiting a while to avoid too many complications or possible accusations.
Doesn't stop you from flirting in chatrooms tho if your self-esteem needs massaging x
Interesting post. Sounds like a challenging era.
Please, receive my apologies for this late reply, but I have already answered most of you by private mail.
Cheeky - Thank you so much for your wishes. I know the future can be bright, I really hope it will be.
ConTemplate - you perceived it so well. It is heartbreaking, yet we need to go ahead and try to be strong, and deal with things step by step.
Charlene - I don't really feel like dating right now. And we have good hope that my husband will finally get a job, so things will ease up in the coming months.
Kat - I'm glad you shared this, and I will knock on your door eventually, thank you for the offer!
J - Thank you again for kind words and your very kind support, you know what I mean.
HEDONE - Yes, I have to learn to enjoy life again, working on it :) Thanks for the advice.
Bunny - you are right, and thanks for stopping by.
Joanna - Thank you, sister ;), I am completely with you, chatting and e-mailing is very rewarding these days.
Just A.Girl - Welcome!
All of you, your ongoing support has been invaluable! Love to all of you!
I am right there with you my dear! I have recently gone through the exact same feelings with my divorce. I found your selected quotes to be stunning and hit the mark exactly!
Keep on and do what your instinct tells you. Love and care for your children, and remember to live your life - for it is yours and yours alone.
Best of luck and it will all be for the best.
Red Rider - Thank you for stopping by and for your kind words, very sweet!
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