What if?

In less than three weeks, I'll be travelling again, guess where?  This picture should give you a hint. 


I will get some time away from home, which is greatly needed.


Last night, I was in bed early with a runny clown's nose and pumpkin head, reading some blogs (I've become completely addicted), when hubby came and told me he had some medicine for my cold.  Delicious medicine!


What if I lick you down there while you suck me down here?  Oh, heaven!  What if I put my fingers in here, moving them in a circle, while my thumb rubs that little bud of yours?  Oh, oh, don't stop!  What if I push that little spot still circling my fingers?  Oh, oh, oh!!!  Oh my God!..........   pant! pant! pant!  How did you do this?  This was just incredible! The bed is soaked.  What if I gave you this medicine for your sore throat?  Hum!  hummmmmpf!  Hmmmm! Hmmmmpff!  Barely breathing with my stuffed-up nose...  Jaw slightly hurting, neck bent in an uncomfortable angle.  Ah!  Breathing again!  Ooops sticky stuff on my breasts, chin, nose and eye! He he he!  Wish someone would take a picture! 

= ∞ =

What if we put up an ad to find a man for a threesome?  HUH?!?  WHAT?!? We had discussed our fantasies at some point, along with having sex in awkward places, watching porn while having sex, etc.

Me (thinking) hm!  Someone with a nice, big cock..

Hubby: he would need to be elegant!

Me (thinking)... yes, hairless chest, butt and shoulders...

Hubby: able to sustain a conversation!

Me: Huh?  you mean you will speak politics and sports while you f**k me?

Hubby: no, before, when we meet him.  He would need to be younger.

Me (thinking)... nice chiselled torso, tight ass, cute smile...

Hubby: and I would not want a fucker!

Me: So, what do you want him for?

Hubby: no, I could not stand a vulgar idiot just wanting to f**k you for the sake of it!  I still don't even know if I could bear the sight of another man having sex with you.

Me ... well, maybe when he sees us he will run away... after seeing my wobbly stomach (after three pregnancies), my sagging breasts after their long lost battle against gravity, or my "flatbed"?

Hubby: so, when do we put up an add?

Me (suddenly waking up from my daydreaming) Oh no!   Can we please talk it over again, there is a difference between fantasies and reality.  Let me just digest this, I'm still under shock!   I need to think it over.

This is where I realised that, although things seem to be going in the right direction for hubby, they may not for me.  I started panicking, wait, wait, wait. This is going too fast!  I need a break away from home and that is exactly what I'm going to have in a few weeks' time. 

Understand me, before Christmas, we were still having arguments, nasty, snappy remarks for each other, and I badly wanted to divorce after we had tried to make things change for ten years. At Christmas, we decided on a truce and, like bonobos, I initiated the "make love not war" behaviour.  Now, things seem to develop in a lighter tone, but I still want to divorce, for many reasons, but basically because it is too late now for me to try and save our marriage.  But hubby seems to think differently.  How can I explain without hurting him more?  Can we not just divorce and be buddies?  We know couples who have divorced and are having affairs with their ex.  Have I done it all wrong? 

May this break help me find the right words, attitude and state of mind to explain calmly what I wish for the two of us in the future.  It need not be painful.