Stay & Die

We have shared this life for over twenty years. Now I feel lonely. We live together, but we never touch. Our children see that we don’t love each other any more. We sleep in the same bed, our bodies touch but we don’t touch. I often find a pillow between him and me. I sometimes ask him to cuddle me because I crave it, but most often I find him hugging the edge of the bed, wondering how he manages not to fall down. When we have sex, I can tell which part of my body he is going to touch next, for how long, at which speed. When he kisses me, I feel like kissing a snail. Recently, he has gone limp and I have become numb. I cannot fathom any future with him in it. I feel like an empty shell. My body is disappearing in the hurting. I am gasping for air, I need love, I want to be freed from this trap or I will suffocate and die.